Here comes the sun.

This is my view as I wait for my next appointment today.  The sun is rising and it is a beautiful fall day.  Days like these are why people live in Minnesota:  leaves are at their peak, temperatures are crisp, the sun is still warm.  There is so much for which to be thankful.

My first 12 weeks of chemo is entering it's last 3-week cycle.  It's hard to believe this round is nearly finished.  Today is my last "long" day, my last time I receive the trial drug, along with the two standard drugs.  After this I have 2 "short" days in which I only received 2 standard drugs and then it's on to the next cycle.

I am doing much better, attitude-wise than I was last week.  My cold has cleared up, and I am managing the side-effects better.  My newest is that my feet tingle nearly all the time.  It is annoying, but, not overwhelming.   My hands also are itchy and irritated, luckily, only intermittently.   I haven't decided if it is a simple side-effect, or response to some irritant.  I also get tired more at the end of the day.  Not much gets done when I come home from school.  Luckily, my family is stepping up, and I have a freezer full of dinners to make.  Bless my family and friends!

I am choosing, at this point, to not think about round 2.  That is the "nasty stuff," called AC.  I only have 4 treatments of that, beginning November 9, and I go every other week.  I am choosing to believe I will respond well to this as well.  Attitude is everything in this game.

My job, while sometimes exhausting,  is what keeps my spirits up.  Working with a school full of kids paradoxically energizing and exhausting, inspiring and frustrating, joyful and overwhelming.  In the end, though, these kids make my day.  I get oohs and as over my vanishing hair, I had a fifth grade students make a fabulous hat for me with her grandma, and, I get hugs and support all around.  I can't imagine a more life-affirming occupation.  Last weekend, I collaborated with the public library, the high school, and some amazing Star Wars fans to celebrate Star Wars Reads Month (yes, it's a thing).  It was a great success, and the picture below is why I love my job.  To see the fun these kids had, at library, is why I do what I do!

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!

Things can only get better

I missed my weekly post last week.  It wasn't a good week.  Not directly because of chemo, but, certainly, due to the side effects.  I have been charging along, trying to maintain a normal-adjacent lifestyle, but, last week I just couldn't.   So I didn't get  to the blog.   I can assure everyone that, in general, things are still moving along fairly smoothly.  You may stop now, as the whining will commence.

First, I  caught a cold.  It seemed mild at first, but, it kicked my butt.  Last week I  had a low-grade fever on chemo day and was coughing enough to need a mask (not for my protection, but for others).  Those who know my problem with tight spaces know this freaks me out.  Obviously ill, I was, however, well enough for chemo.  That was the nail in the cold coffin.  I degenerated from there.   Ultimately,  I  missed work on Friday, and couldn't get off the couch all weekend.  I will say, antibiotics are my friend.  I am not totally done with the cold, but feel 1000% better.  It was also emotionally exhausting.  I think I ran out of pluck.  I despaired the process for the first time.  I think I am on the downside (upside?) now.  Feeling both emotionally and physically better.

The next side effect that I am finding frustrating is my ongoing "digestive" issues (diarrhea - stop now if this grosses you out ).  I now have such empathy for people who suffer from ITS.  I can never be far from a bathroom.  It has disrupted classes.   It lengthened a car trip.  I can't eat so many things.  It is disgusting and exhausting.  Burning diarrhea is a thing!  I can't wait to get through this.

A freaky problem that has cropped up recently (read this last week) is the feeling of pins and needles in my hands.  I thought at first it was some sort of rash beginning, but there are no visible symptoms.  No redness, no sores, nothing.  It's like phantom pain.  Lotion doesn't help, nor does Tylenol.  Ice packs helped a bit.  It did subside, thankfully.  I will need to learn to ignore it.

My final gripe is the rotten way food FEELS when I eat.  It either is like eating cardboard, or, worse, coats my mouth in the way that too much grease does.  It simply feels unappealing on the lips and tongue.   It almost doesn't matter what I eat.  So food is just something I force myself to eat.  It is defeating.

To top this all, my daughter, who is a senior, just played her last soccer game.  Mark, who has coached Girl's Varsity Soccer since it started in Lake City (13+ years), also coached his last game.   It is becoming real that Lia will be gone next year at this time.  It truly has been a week of meloncholy.

Luckily, today, things are looking up!   My numbers are good again.  The cold is nearly gone.  The steriod has me buzzing, so, I am getting things done!  I will include a song that will be my theme song for this journey.  Howard Jones is long forgotten by most, but, I LOVED him back in the day.  Had all his albums, had his poster, practically cried when I saw him in concert!  What can I say, I love geeks (wink wink Mark).  Enjoy the lovely 80's vibe:

Lyrics are important:

We're not scared to lose it all security throw through the wall
Future dreams we have to realize
A thousand skeptic hands won't keep us from the things we plan
Unless we're clinging to the things we prize

And do you feel scared, I do
But I won't stop and falter
And if we threw it all away
Things can only get better
Wow wow wow oh, wow wow wow oh oh oh oh

Treating today as though it was the last, the final show
Get to sixty and feel no regret
It may take a little time a lonely path, an uphill climb
Success or failure will not alter it